in starry death,
dido falls like the star,
an explosion to the peremptory
mouths of sea; the sun
bums a cigarette,
we are morsels
to her; i, alone,
do not grieve,
but dreams black
and ténébreux
fall to dissection
of God, troglodyte & beast.
© 2020 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.
Written for the dVerse prompt: Just write a poem of precisely 44 words, including some form of the word bum.
55 responses to “undo.”
This line is a stunner:
“the sun
bums a cigarette”
LOVE.
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Aww, thank you Whimsy. ❤️ I really loved the prompt today. It was very innovative and funny. Thank you for it!
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Yes I love the same line… you really managed to step out of the lighthearted fun the rest of us did.
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Fun…? What’s that? 🥴
So glad you enjoyed this. I think I’m way too serious and need to lighten up a bit, quite honestly. Hahaha.
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I especially like your second stanza. “We are morsels to her” is encouraging as it removes the burden from our shoulders. Dissection may foretell of an imminent brushing off…
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Ooh, I love your interpretation of my piece. You are right! The morsel line was meant to say that we are not THAT important, that essentially there is no burden to bear. Now, with dissection, I kept thinking on how humanity is judged. We can isolate ourselves in thoughts of self-doubt or self-hate. I took from three perspectives, one of the above (which can be God for some), one of the self (the hermit), and one of a beast (which can represent darkness).
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Fresh, original and starry, Lucy. I love ‘the sun bums a cigarette’, which reminds me of the opening lines to Bowie’s ‘Rock and Roll Suicide’, and the triumvirate of ‘God, troglodyte & beast’.
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I’m so glad you think that, and I will have to listen to that song now. Thank you so much for your kindness and feedback. 😀
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You’re more than welcome, Lucy. 😉
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This is such a stunning write, Lucy! ❤️ I love; ” the sun bums a cigarette, we are morsels to her.”
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Thank you!
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Nice one, this is a mysteriou era indeed.
Happy you dropped by to read mine
(✿◠‿◠)
much love
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Thank you so much. I was happy to read yours as well (I will leave a comment soon if I haven’t already). I love your work!
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I am finally adjusting to your poetic, flarff-like style, and begin to look forward to the poetic drippings from your fevered SOCs and profundity. This one had me scrambling for a dictionary, and enjoying the ride.
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Aww, I’m so glad to hear that Glenn. Thank you so much! ❤ ❤
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…god, troglodyte, beast…
It’s all good, but this closing trio…YES
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Aww, thank you. I have to admit, I’m biased with those lines. They’re my favorite in this piece too. So glad you enjoyed. ❤
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Beautiful 💓
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Thank you dearest!
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You’re so welcome talented girl
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😊
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🙂 appreciate you
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I appreciate you as well, marvelous poetess! 💗
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High praise from you my friend
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Well God forbid my dreams become tenebreux. and fall to dissection! I have a fear of becoming a troglodyte. (Merrriam and I enjoyed your poem) :)))
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Hahaha, right? Here’s to happy dreams and not becoming hermits. So glad you enjoyed this piece. ❤ Thank you for your feedback and for reading my poem.
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kaykuala
Lots of fun with many new words to digest! Playfully set Lucy, great!
Hank
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Thank you, Hank!
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This is SO good, Lucy!! Wow. I love “the sun / bums a cigarette,” 🙌
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Thank you SO much! 😀
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Great on Lucy! love the dreams falling to the dissection of God…. Very good!
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Thank you so much!
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My dearest Lucy, this is fantastic.
“mouths of sea; the sun
bums a cigarette,
we are morsels
to her;”
I am enslaved by your beautiful metaphors.
You really know how to speak to my heart, Lucy
“i, alone,
do not grieve,
but dreams black
and ténébreux
fall to dissection
of God, troglodyte & beast.’
I, alone, do not grieve..
Lucy, you are a phenomenal poetess.
I, alone, do not grieve.. I, alone, do not grieve..
Superb!
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G, as always, it’s an honor, it’s a gift to hear this from you. I’ve been sitting here pondering just how to thank you for your praise, but a mere a thank you is not enough. I thank you from my heart and my poet mind. You’ve encouraged me many times and more to keep writing, and you don’t know how much I’ve appreciated it. I feel honored and as always, humbled. I’m beyond happy to know how this resonated with you.
“You really know how to speak to my heart, Lucy.”
Thank you for listening to my heart too in this poem. ❤ Much love and hugs, G.
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what a powerful turn you did with such a silly word! amazing, Lucy!
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Thank you so much!
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Marvellous writing (with much education too) – and much profundity. I haven’t read the Dido & Aeneas libretto but I can imagine the chorus singing as the pyre burns. Bravo.
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Thank you so much. ❤ I have not read the Dido and Aeneas libretto either; I’ve only listened to Dido’s Lament, and it was very impactful to me.
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It’s lovely – thank you (Aeneas was such a b*stard).
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He really was!
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I immediately thought of this song for you Lucy…..
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Wow! That is so beautiful. Such an amazing song to listen to. Thank you for sharing it.
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Lisa Hannigan’s is one fav singers…. and this song is full of passion… enjoy…
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Such a captivating performance!
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Indeed….😅
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I love this – I wondered how you would respond to the prompt, weaving in the word ‘bum’ without losing the dark and tenebrous tone of your work. You have pulled it off again, well done!
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Aww, thank you Ingrid. It was indeed a very fun and challenging prompt. But, I just had to make what could’ve been lighthearted very dark! 😁 Oh, well. Thank you so much for your lovely words. ❤️ It means a lot.
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Like what you’ve written Lucy — come I invite you to time travel with me.
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❤️
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Dido should have dropped Aeneas like a stone. Good one. Apollo bumming a cigarette cuts him down to size too.
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Thank you! 😃
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Very stylish. Very unique. Very enjoyable.
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Aww, thanks! 😊
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A unique expression and a title to go with it. Well done, Lucy.
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Thank you so much. ❤
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