summer, pilgrimage of the ewe; the blood sun breaks upon death— is the symmetry of the flower where an ocean throws the moon’s noose, leaving to the knot of a darker azure? dream, and you might too leave in the white rose of lips; sewn a monolith exchanging, in perfidy, a child at the river its maddening leavetaking, tucked in the shawl, a fellness of gold nursed at the fingertips dead and drowning, for the illumine, like a dream, but it was no longer; memory was the brass to the black heart of the rose, low-necked to mourn. © 2020 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.
Written for the dVerse prompt, using lines from Dorothy Lawrenson’s poem September. Truth be told, this is most likely one of my darkest poems, taking heavy inspiration from This Night Has Opened My Eyes by The Smiths.
43 responses to “This night.”
I love how you used these start words for your poem – and that opener really sets the mood
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Thank you so much, Laura!
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Wonderful use of colour in this poem, Lucy, and I love the lines:
‘is the symmetry of the flower where an ocean throws the moon’s noose,
leaving to the knot of a darker azure?’
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Thank you, Kim. I’m so happy you liked those lines.
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I love how you went into darkness with this. Especially that last line
brass to the black heart of the rose, low-necked to mourn.., ‘
scrumptious reading.
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Thank you, Björn. ❤
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Beautifully moody …
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Thank you!
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More darkness\, reflecting perfectly the chaos and turmoil within these Trumpian days, this hellish haze. Are we inhabiting the “last of days”? Who will survive, and what will they learn?
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Thank you, Glenn. I do not really exhibit politics within my poetry, but I find your interpretation interesting with my piece. Thank you so much for reading it. ❤
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❤️
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❤ ❤
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I like chocolate, the darker the better. Much the same about literature. You take the cake, Sister.
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Oh, Ron, I thank you so much. ❤ ❤ ❤ I feel flattered.
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I love the poetic force of your words. The darkness of memory just rolls over you in this poem even as the river claimed the life of a child.
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Thank you so much. 💞
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My pleasure entirely 🙂
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A beautiful darkness, like the black heart of the rose. Your write with moody passion of the bloody sun.
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Thank you. ❤ ❤
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Lovely all around. I tried to use this line but it wasn’t working for me. Well done.
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Thank you so much!
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Powerful stuff Lucy – I liked how each word of Lawrenson’s line was the step off into darkness – and memorable lines ‘the fellness of gold’, ‘memory was the / brass to the black heart…’ Thanks also for the Smiths.
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Thank you so very much. 🙂
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You chose the perfect words in nine lines of poetry to complete the poet’s line …. well done.
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Thank you, Helen!
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I love the word choices! “pilgrimage” and “knot” and “monolith” all create such a sense of mystery and darkness in this piece.
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Thank you so much!
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💜🖤 Sad but true.
But that is why I am here, I suppose.
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Well, I am glad you are here. 🙂
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Likewise.
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Sometimes its hard to share the right complement with you poetry. It bots so many notes, both your rhythms and words and innuendoes. They always amaze me, that’s for sure. Hope you enter these in poetry contests. Q10
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Thank you so, so much. I have no words. Your encouragement means a lot. 🙂
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This is really good🖤
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Thank you, Queen. ❤ ❤
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Amazing 😍💖💖💖💖💖
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Thank you!
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Good stuff, Lucy 🤗
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Thank you!
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Welcome 🤗
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Very frightening stuff, Lucy. I like it. 😉 Although I hardly paced alongside the rhythm, the overall theme had me good.
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Thank you!
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[…] This night. […]
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[…] thoughts in the past. I was particularly inspired by Erbiage’s Moses poem. Whatever I said of one of my previous poems being the darkest I ever wrote, I think this one takes the cake as it’s one of the first […]
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