Each murderous thorn, it will vanish
like the women and thunderbirds
born again, the rampike is covered
in frost
shambolic, for shame you had none;
like the women and thunderbirds
death again, oh god am I distant?
And homesick, last summer’s eve, you’re a bastard
born again, the rampike is covered
in frost
chilled by father’s eye,
I’m handed enigmatical roses; I die
shambolic, for shame you had none;
lady, daughter, stone
I feel none.
© 2021 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.
Written for the 6/17/2021 dVerse MTB prompt: Write trimeric following the pattern invented by Charles A. Stone.
59 responses to “I die shambolic.”
Lucy, in addition to deeply enjoying your poetry, I think there’s almost never a time that I read one of your poems and don’t learn a new word or two. Rampike! Shambolic!
❤
David
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Aww, thank you David. ❤️
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I am with ‘ya David. My vocabulary expands a bit with each visit here with Lucy. I’m a plain language guy, but it is fun to deepen my knowledge.
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Such powerful use of repetition in this poem. You really create the emotion. Great piece!
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Thank you so much. 🙂
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Daughter and princess of darkness, your poetics swirl in macabre corridors, and all the egress have broken locks. You still manage to morph your style on a trimeric, unafraid of parameters, oblivious to convention. I take a knee to your creativity; atta’ girl.
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Oh my goodness, Glenn, thank you so very much!
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Genius, as always Lucy! ❤
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Aw shucks. ☺️
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Whoever this person is has left the MC severed from all that is alive 😦 Even though the pike is frozen, the monster long gone, still it pierces the soul. There has to be a way to break the enchantment!
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That would be pretty accurate to what I had in mind for this poem. There are ways to break through it, but the real question is if the narrator really wants to?
Thank you so much for your thoughts and feedback. ❤️
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You are very welcome, Lucy.
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❤
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Deathly chilling trimeric poem – I love this Lucy. Your unique voice shines through the poetry form.
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Thank you, Grace!
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“like the women and thunderbirds
born again.” Intriguing.
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Thanks!
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‘shambolic, for shame you had none’: the repetition calls out the shamelessness of the offender here. A strong voice comes through the dark torment. Thank you for teaching me a new word in ‘rampike’ also 🙂
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True, true, and I love the way you see this poem. Thank you, Ingrid, for your kindness and feedback. ❤️❤️
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Powerful writing as always.
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Thank you.
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thank you for showing me the word rampike. i feel ever thorn in this poem gretaa piece.
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Thank you so much!
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the weight becomes heavier and heavier until that final word – felt like the last boom of the drum
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Yes, I can definitely see that! Thank you so much.
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laid aside for another day
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So that’s what happened to Sweeney Todd…just kidding! (But kind of not, actually?!) Love this poem, especially the line: “And homesick, last summer’s eve, you’re a bastard.” 😀 I don’t know why that made me cackle but it did. I love the comparison here too: “Like the women and thunderbirds, death again” – what on earth’s going on? I’m not sure but it’s so lavish ❤
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Aww, thank you for the lovely feedback. The first stanza is where I don’t know what’s going on either as that was from a draft I pulled out from long ago; the other stanzas being written for the prompt. I forgot what I had in mind with that, but following with the three stanzas, it’s about being disoriented from being secluded and within yourself a lot around others. It can just make you want to break out of your skin to be yourself, and you can’t.
Thank you again for your kind words and feedback. It warms my black heart. ❤
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Ha ha! Mine too. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love the mystery of it, it reveals just enough and yet keeps you guessing. In the early days, I used to find it frustrating when poetry was too mysterious but now I prefer it being a puzzle and just let it wash over me and see what sensory impression I’m left with. Although I love candid poetry just as much. Anyway, my black heart always enjoy your imagery! 😀
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I feel the chaos in this Lucy!!! Brava!
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I’m glad to hear that! Thank you!
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You never cease to amaze me 😀 this is absolutely outstanding! 💝💝
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Aww, thank you Sanaa. ❤ ❤
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Nice
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Thank you.
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for shame you had none;
lady, daughter, stone
I feel none.
Love your close, Lucy! There are times when one tries hard to accept but there are distractions, true enough!
Hank
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Thank you, Hank!
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Lucy,
You write to an operatic score, sublime, profane and engrossing.The trimeric form is a perfect vehicle for this, a captivating web.
pax,
dora
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Oh wow, thank you very much Dora! How kind of you to say.
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Another tour de force. I especially like your word choice– enigmatical, shambolic, thunderbirds, rampike. They force the reader into a different reality.
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Thank you so very much. 🙂
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That repetition works so well to reinforce the enigmatic tone of the verse. As always, something new to learn. ❤️
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Thank you so much, Punam!
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My pleasure, Lucy.
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❤ ❤
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Once again my friend, you jolt my day pleasantly to a different perspective, enabling me to see life fresh — not always bright, but new and less jaded. Thank you! 🙂
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Aww, thank you Rob. ❤
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I like the way the rhythm of the text also disintegrates. Those hard words at the end. (K)
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Thank you, K!
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Wow. So dark and atmospheric. I love this – it read almost like a stream of consciousness to me, but I’m sure there’s lots of deeper meaning here. A poem to be read over and over – I think I’ll find something new in it each time.
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Aww, thank you very much! ❤
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Loads evoked. Love your writing.
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Thank you!
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The sense of death still alive in the thorns and the dead tree makes me think of the original sin of the bible… especially with the last two lines
lady, daughter, stone
I feel none
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Thank you so much, Bjorn!
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i’m curious if you ever record your poetry -that last stanza carries such gravitas ~
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Thank you so much! I do not record my poetry much, but it’s something that I could definitely do more often than I am currently. 😀
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[…] I die shambolic. […]
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Thank you for sharing.
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