It was perhaps disenchantment
Darling, slipping to the sea like a knife;
why abide like children, a bloodline
since dead retiring from goddammned
bones mislaidโI can barely touch
the waves; black doves
splintering in the mistakes upon
their tongues, straying first
feigning none.
ยฉ 2020 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.
Written for the dVerse prompt: Todayโs challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to write a quadrille poem. If youโre new to dVerse or the quadrille, itโs simplyย a poem of 44 wordsย (excluding the title.) You MUST use the word โabideโ in your poem.
Reposted 7/09/2021.
45 responses to “None.”
Mesmerizing Lucy, very beautiful โค๏ธ
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Thank you!
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Oh! Stunning, Lucy.
Especially love: “slipping to the sea like a knife”
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Thank you so much. โค โค
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Dropping โdarlingโ into the second line is mwah poetry
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Thank you very much. ๐
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“Slipping to the sea like a knife” wow!๐๐ผ Is this line about sunset too..? Beautiful poetry, Lucy๐
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It could be! I was actually inspired by The Smiths in that line. Thank you so much, Jay.
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“splintering in the mistakes”. Love it.
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Thank you!
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I love the disjointed alliteration in โdisenchantment / Darlingโ, and the wonderfully Gothic image in the lines:
โโฆblack doves
splintering in the mistakes upon
their tonguesโฆโ
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Thank you so much!
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This is just-
I have no words O.o
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Aww, thanks. ๐
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To choose not to abide…that is a rejection of ancestry, both past and future. I never thought of it that way before. (K)
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Thank you. ๐
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‘disenchantment/Darling, slipping to the sea like a knife’ – fantastic imagery!
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Thank you very much, Ingrid. โค
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I don’t know why, maybe “bloodlines”, but I got distinct Faulknerian vibes in this quadrille, Lucy. Rich and beautifully dark
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Thank you so much. ๐
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All my favorite lines already pointed out above… love the dark ending with the black doves.
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Thank you!
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This is incredibly mesmerizing, Lucy! ๐๐
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Thank you so much. โค
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Potent and looms in my mind, such powerful imagery.
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Thank you.
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Very welcome Lucy.
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Great images of “I just can’t take it any more!” Slipping into the sea… feelings gone along with the splinters of life as the soul leaves the body!! ?? :>)
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Hahaha, thank you!
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:>)
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All the wonderful lines have been pointed out and I love this. Separation from a bloodline no longer worthy, is what it feels like.
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Thank you very much, Dale. ๐ That is exactly it.
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๐ Wonderful. Always nice when I get it ๐
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Lucy, did I miss your poem the first time through?? I think abide was a prompt I did? My apologies for not seeing this when you first posted it. It’s intense! Black doves splintered in the mistakes is something I need to try to wrap my mind around….
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No worries, Lisa! It’s all good. ๐
Thank you so much for your lovely comment. That was one of my favorite lines in this poem, really wanted it to stand out with the dark imagery there.
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You’re very welcome and thank you for bringing it to my attention!
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p.s. I think your poem will now show up in the comments section of the prompt even if Mr. Linky is long-closed.
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Awesome!
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Well, so many thoughts but simply, its really nice!
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Thanks!
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‘slipping to the sea like a knife” oh I will remember this line, but love every line actually!
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Aww, that makes me ecstatic to hear that! Thank you!
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a pleasure Lucy.
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I get a generational curse vibe from this and think of my disfunctional family in particular lol but in all seriousness I really felt the unforgiving sharpness of your words. โค
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Thank you, Veronica. โค โค I had in mind the dysfunctional dynamics of families and how that can influence our choices in life. ๐
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