Solicitude/Solitude (Draft).

solicitude
for the man in tremendum
fully mad in autumn

the sea-winds grew
stood alone upon my labor
in a cement box; it wasn’t an act of love
nor was it an act of god,

I see the dead potatoes
of our graves.

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I don’t know, think I should expand on this piece? I have another version that I considered nearly finished but feel the simplicity in this is much more profound.

Not sure if I’ll share the other version admittedly. 😅 It’s too dark.

25 Comments

  1. I really like the simplicity in this poem and would definitely love to read the dark version too, maybe because I have a thing for it. Nevertheless, it takes nothing away from this version. Short, sweet and speaks a lot.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aww, thank you so very much. Because of the positive feedback, I’m definitely considering revealing the dark version soon. Just need to tweak it a little until my mind says it’s “perfect” to me, and then revise it because I can never make up my mind lol.

      I read somewhere—a thought—that poems are unfinished until the author passes. It’s interesting because I never thought of it like that before, and years can go by where maybe you add something to a piece that you wouldn’t have thought of when you were younger, less experienced perhaps. I don’t know, just the process itself is fascinating but exhausting at times.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Haha, I get that feeling.
        I’m really glad you brought this up, such a wonderful thought. I’ve been thinking about this since a long time now, the lines I would add to one of my piece or how stupid that specific line now feels to me. I guess it happens to everyone, as we grow older we learn more, we change, we experience things that the younger version of us would never understand. But I think that younger stupid part of us needs to be there too. Like this other quote, “some things are better left unfinished”.
        I’ll be waiting to read the alternate version, I won’t call it dark just yet. And I believe there would be others waiting patiently too, take your time.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Oh, I agree. That younger part of ourselves plays a part in writing and poetry. It’s how we learn from it, I suppose, and maybe when looking back, it’s easier to see what was missing in a certain piece and what we grew out of in writing habits. Other times, yeah maybe some things are better left unfinished. I think there’s a beauty to it when it’s complete but not entirely complete in the author’s eyes. It shows a type of vulnerability, and perhaps with a poem being better unfinished, it hits the point better than if it were “complete.”

        Aww, thank you. ❤

        Liked by 2 people

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