Culling your humanity
to my wrists,
my unbridled bride
take pride in that; shun
tremendum,
she’ll never go home
I die a little more
to see you
I am lonesome, your
malaise will stray unsought
like a marionette,
I’d only love for you to stay.
Mesmeric, I’d remember this
moment. Lost in the moon’s oneiric pocket
disabuse your mother’s worry
spare me her cries
she doesn’t care; my deluded sister,
I’ve seen the garden in my hell,
buried in plutonic graves
whisper
my child
each mourning unloved
but I love you;
your final resolve
[I]
fell and fast
first frost and finally coquelicot death.
© 2021 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.
Written for the 08/03/2021 dVerse poetics prompt.
72 responses to “Lonesome.”
This has such intensity. I love your word play – this would be great to hear read aloud.
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Aww, thank you. And perhaps I’ll do it at the next live open link night. ❤
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That would be nice.
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Thanks! 😀
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This prompt was made for you! Deliciously woven, the imagery courses through and through like waves, I especially love; “I am lonesome, your malaise will stray unsought like a marionette,
I’d only love for you to stay.”💝💝
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Thank you so much, Sanaa! ❤ ❤
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Beautifully capturing the nature of the relationship and the mind of someone who is justifying their unjust behavior.
I am curious about your writing process that pulls in such uncommon words such as tremendum and oneiric, do you seek out such rare words or do you just have them ready off hand? As I shared before, I like your use of these words because it reads less generic with them sprinkled in, and forces the reader to pay attention.
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Thank you so much! I actually do seek those words out while reading different poems to get inspired, or I just implement the ones I remember utilizing before in the past with my poetry.
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I should start keeping a list of neat words I come across, that’s a great idea.
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I can definitely feel Persephone coming through in this, Lucy, a lost raw side to her. Some gorgeous turns of phrase. My favourite lines:
“I die a little more to see you.” – so evocative!
“Your malaise will stray unsought like a marionette.”
“[I]
fell and fast
first frost and finally coquelicot death.”
And quite simply the words “tremendous”and “plutonic” are a win for me. Great piece ❤
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Thank you so, so much Sunra!
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Sounds like an experienced narcissist love bombing the naive target. Hoping I’m close? Hades would be the practiced narcissist and Persephone the target.
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You’re not only close, you’re right on the money here. It was an experience to get into a narcissist’s head and love bomb Persephone this way as if I were Hades, but it’s also sadly relatable in unhealthy relationships. I always thought Hades and Persephone would have that type of dynamic, if not worse. Thank you so much, Lisa. 🙂
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You’re very welcome and happy I read that one right. I also agree on that toxic dynamic set up between those 2.
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Beautiful, intriguing, captivating, mystical — these are certainly among the words your writing always stirs to my emotional surface. I sometimes feel disingenuous calling them to service so often in my comments to your work — like I am being insincere. But still they come, and they are all this poor fool has to offer… in other words Lucy — I really like your poetic shit, it kicks ass! 👍😉✌🏼
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Oh Rob, I never felt that you were disingenuous with your praise. It really means a lot to me that you enjoy my writing and the encouragement you give helps me keep doing that as I’ve certainly had times where I just wanted to quit poetry. Thank you so, so much. ❤
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Wow. I am always amazed at the language you create and the intensity of the verse. Reflecting upon this one, dear Lucy. Love it. ❤️
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Aww, thank you Jeff! ❤ ❤
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You are most welcome, Lucy. Always! ❤
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Trapped and forever unloved… An interesting though chilling perspective from Hades point of view in the story! Well done Lucy.
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Thank you, Dwight! ❤
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This honestly feels like it should be sang as a song. Lovely piece!
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Oh wow, thank you so much!
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So intense and beautifully woven, it was really captivating. I loved the intensity of it, some brilliant wordplay. A beautiful piece Lucy, loved it ❤
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Thank you so very much, AB! I always enjoy hearing what you think. 😀
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My pleasure Lucy 🙂
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Awesome ✨💖
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Thanks!
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this stirs me in a way only fathers wanting to protect their daughters would get. the line “i die alittle more to see you” breaks my heart as a father. amazing poem.
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Thank you so, so much. ❤
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You are unfailingly poetic and your images strike to the heart. I too like the unusual words you choose. I love the opening lines! And I love the moon’s oneiric pocket and the alliteration at the end!
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Thank you greatly, Worms! I’m really happy you liked this one. 😀
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whooaaa! 😮 What a fabulous write Lucy!
“Lost in the moon’s oneiric pocket…” love this line!🙏
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Aww, thank you! You flatter me! ❤ ❤
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I love your poetry, Lucy, but I find it hard to read in red on black. It’s probably my age, but my eyes don’t seem to focus well enough. Thought I’d mention it – maybe no one else has the same problem?
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Thank you so much, Polly, but I am sorry to hear about this issue. This would be the first time of someone telling me this specifically, but I definitely want to make it easier to read for you. 🙂 My color scheme is red and black, but let me see if I can play around with the coloring a bit when I get the chance. Thank you again for letting me know!
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A true plunge into the depths of Hades! You have captured the psychological trauma which I feel could be read as a subtext of the Persephone myth. I love this!
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Thank you so much, Ingrid! 😊
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Oooh! This is so good, Lucy! You went right under the skin of their relationship. Love this. ❤️
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Aww, thank you Punam! I’m so happy you think that. ❤️
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You are so welcome. ❤️
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You’ve definitely expressed a toxic relationship, Lucy. I like how Lisa put it– love bombed by a narcissist. I like the alliteration at the end–it makes the words stand out but also flow at the end.
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Thank you so very much, Merril! 😀
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You’re welcome!
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❤️❤️
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That is so powerful, it is like the dagger plunging into a cunning soul
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Thank you! 🖤
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these lines in particular really made me cringe, Lucy!
-David
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Thank you, David! Have to admit, this was quite the experience to write especially when exploring the mind of an abuser.
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whisper my child
each mourning unloved
but I love you;
your final resolve
Love this Lucy! A fitting take on a mother’s love. It is giving vent to feelings of regret and desperation of her missing daughter. much as a final resolution to losing hope. It even runs smack against a likely unnatural relationship between the father and daughter. Powerful rendition Ma’am!
Hank
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Thank you so much, Hank! I love your interpretation of this piece. I wrote it through the perspective of Hades manipulating his child bride, but with the lines you mentioned, I can definitely see the mother’s love take.
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This is sisterhood of a very deep harrow, filial to labors down under. Of a burden shared.
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Thank you, Brendan!
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There is no love applied here, only power and possession. You have a sinister talent.
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Thank you!
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Love this poem, wonderfully powerful word weaving…🌸
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Thank you so much! 😊
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So much emotion. The discomfort of unreliable bonds. You beautifully express your thoughts and feelings with much poetic grace. 🙂
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Aww, thank you so much!
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“I’ve seen the garden in my hell,
buried in plutonic graves”
What powerful words!
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Aww, thank you!
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What Rob said, and more, Lucy. You are a font, an aquifer of dark creativity. This is the only poem I’ve seen that takes on Hades’ POV, which you did in spades–so much so that you sprinted past sarcasm, and created empathy for Hades; not an easy task.
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Thank you so very much, Glenn. I really appreciate your kind words and support much more than you’d know. ❤️❤️
It was weird diving into Hades’ point of view especially when he manipulates Persephone, but I’m glad I was able to do it.
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It is difficult for me to understand but it has deep meaning towards the mother.
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Well, I wrote it through the perspective of Hades as he love bombs and manipulates Persephone into feeling guilty for leaving for spring. Thank you, though.
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Very awesome
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Thank you!
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the sounds you mixed with your haunting phrases require an oral presentation for this poem, Lucy. the refrains felt like drums banging harder and harder as you repeat them. vivid.
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Thank you so very much! I am considering reading it the next time there is a live OLN at dVerse. 😀
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sounds like a plan!
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Wow… what a nice poem, I really enjoyed it
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Thank you!
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