Where my roots are, blood and home,
a black cat sniffs my arms; for some fool, how puzzling,
dreaming someone else’s dreams, I left to pursue my education;
I come home, not ashamed to shower at midnight,
my eyes closed, the market economy is boring me to tears,
to death—please kill me
please kill me—please kill me, cat. Disencumber the dead roses,
and I held a prayer. My ghost-skin in the mirror lurches
through a mask and summer clothes;
onto the limb of a nightmare
I become existential and depressed; everything is nothing.
After I was born, my dad called me “Lucifer.”
I’d like to think it was my namesake,
my mother hated it and would not have given me my name
if he had the wit earlier. Pity—because I embraced it,
because it was mine. I often think about it now
where, laughing, I was not afraid,
I was afraid of everything else. I had the same hope Sylvia Plath
did, at one point, in her journal—she didn’t want to die.
I never did want to die,
I just want to get rid of my identity
carry my bones into incomplete sheets,
as I writhe in body-ache. I try to sleep,
my cat cries for me to open the door,
let him in,
and lie down by me; where there’s silence,
perhaps a red vase by the window,
perhaps a quick steal of a girl’s nickel
by the subway, my cat sleeps with me.
© 2021 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.
Written for the dVerse 8/24/2021 prompt.
Magic, pure magic. You are a master of pairs of opposites, and your command of language is exquisite. I love this poem, Lucy. 💙
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww, thank you so much Jeff!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome, Lucy. Always! 💙
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤ ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I felt the pain of mental torture all the way through this Lucy. Thank goodness for cats! When me PMDD is bad and I visit ‘the dark side’ he’s always there for me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much, Ingrid! ❤ I’m glad you have your kitty there for you too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fantastic, Lucy! 🌠
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lifesavers, those cats. A girl’s bestie.Thanks for sharing your lovely words.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for reading my poem. My cat has saved my life in more ways than one, to be honest.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cats, with their many lives— nine they say, are heroes really. You’re lucky to have each other. Thanks for the reply. Be well, Lucy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. Be well too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
The words speak to me, they caress my skin, as my cat purrs in sympathetic envy 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww, thank you. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really like your use of words in this, it’s both tortured and soothing … incredible to evoke both reactions!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This poem is stunning, Lucy. Some gorgeous turns of phrase – I can’t even pick them out as I love the whole thing, really. And amidst all the body ache of being, I love the comfort of your cat throughout as your familiar. The comfort of showering at midnight, all the soothing little moments of self-care scattered throughout the poem ❤️
Though, forgive me, I couldn’t work out the acrostic message in it. Maybe it’s coded too well for me to decipher. It doesn’t matter because I LOVE it ❤️❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww, thank you so so much. Your words really mean a lot to me. ❤ As for an acrostic message, there is none. The prompt had two choices, and one of those choices was to write about a puzzle I’ve been faced with. I used the more figurative definition than the literal. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I see! Smart. I never even thought to do that! I’m glad you chose that route 💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love the journey you take, the journey you offer readers … intoxicating.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much, Helen.
LikeLike
“Disencumber” what a great word.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks!
LikeLike
I love this one
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like the reference to “Lucifer”!
“I never did want to die, I just want to get rid of my identity” Now haven’t we all felt that at sometime!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much, and yes, I think it’s a general feeling to have sometimes. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are welcome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤ ❤
LikeLike
With your cat and the mention of Lucifer my mind with to “the Master and Margarita”… excellent writign
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Bjorn! ❤
LikeLike
Another masterful poem, Lucy, but no acrostics in sight. No matter, perhaps you are too clever for me, and the acrostic message is coded, or buried deep in prose and darkness. I think you are outside the box with this one, but you still stun and amaze with your poetics; smile.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so very much, Glenn! As per the prompt, it gave two options–one of which is about facing a puzzle. I went that route, explaining a puzzle in my head using memories. 🙂
LikeLike
Lovely reflection Lucy with the namesake of Lucifer standing out for me. The cat balanced out the darkness of the thoughts.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww, thank you!
LikeLike
Pity—because I embraced it,
because it was mine. I often think about it now
where, laughing, I was not afraid,
I was afraid of everything else
Love the exhaustive write, Lucy! Very engaging! Of course, accepting and adopting our name is the best thing that can happen. It is the best-sounding word one is blessed with!
Hank
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww, thank you so much Hank. 🙂
LikeLike
I have been having struggles with memory and anger lately Lucy. This was so deep with imagery that I fractured in the reading, and could only pick up this piece in pieces — each brilliant, but they became a splendid puzzle that I could not reassemble. So I just ran them through my fingers, and stared in awe — mad at the world… but marveling.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww, thanks Rob!
LikeLike
Love the powerful images – ‘My ghost-skin in the mirror lurches
through a mask and summer clothes;
onto the limb of a nightmare…’ What a fantastic read!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so very much!
LikeLike
Coming to terms with our identity sometimes requires killing parts of ourselves…this is deep and dark but I sense a personal strength as well, Lucy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very true! Thank you so much, Lynn. 😀 You’re quite perceptive.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“My ghost-skin in the mirror lurches through a mask and summer clothes,”.. deliciously woven! This poem is a masterpiece!! 💝💝💝💝 Just wowwww!!!
LikeLike
Thank you so, so much. ❤
LikeLike
I definitely got that you were working out a puzzle in your head rather than doing the acrostic and that is right on point with the prompt! Your writing always takes me on a journey, Lucy. I was especially interested in the connection with Lucy and Lucifer. A very interesting reference to Sylvia Plath.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much, Lillian! ❤ ❤
LikeLike
Super haunting! I love how the description of the cat’s movements seems to tie the lines together.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Fern!
LikeLike
Nice blog and your name is nice. A person should be judged by their quality not by their name.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you.
LikeLike
[…] Lamplight falls. […]
LikeLike
Beautiful poem.Amazing expression.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much!
LikeLike