Life on Lockdown (Satire).

Note: I think I wrote this around a year ago. It was a nice diversion from the tension of those early times, while still delving into it. This is a satirical piece, so just a forewarning since the pandemic impacts us all in different ways. I don’t take it lightly either as I have had distant family pass from it; back on point, I know this can be a sensitive topic so proceed with caution.

Also, I have no idea if I’ll ever post consistently soon. I pretty much just stumbled upon this old thing and thought that it would be nice to put something up, so people don’t think I’m dead–which I pretty much feel like lately, but don’t we all?


Life under lockdown following Covid-19 has not been an easy adjustment. Over a year in and we have resorted to wiping food down in Lysol or bleach, consuming Anti-parasitic drugs, stopping production of Corona beer, blaming bats, and now bank robberies. It might seem to be the tip of the iceberg but with a change in daily life, there is a change in general society.

Before Covid-19 had disseminated and became known to all, banks had a “no mask or hoodie policy.” This ensures that one can be identified in the event of bank robbery. That has currently changed with the spread of the virus. The American Bankers Association, for instance, prioritized mask-wearing for their customers as to not continue the spread of the virus. Now the United States faces the essential problem: an increase in bank robberies.

Surely, in such dire time, there are different ways to cope with self-isolation. To pass the time, one may take up new hobbies or passions. Some may commiserate in having to be away for so long from loved ones. However, it is important to remember even apes and monkeys are social isolating themselves, which is putting them at risk for enacting on “inappropriate heterosexual and maternal behaviors” as they mature, according to JAMA Psychiatry.

We are no different, aren’t we? Just instead engaging in reckless and risky behavior.

There have been scares and actual bank robberies germane to mask-wearing. It calls the question that if such requirement were to last for an elongated period of time, what can the banks do? Some robberies were failed attempts as muffled mask speak is not an acquired language. As time goes on and Covid becomes more like a relative that’s overstayed their welcome, it is important to listen to the CDC.

Remember, to double mask and to knock politely on bank doors before trying to access their vaults.


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