snippets from a psychology textbook.

Did you know after a severe trauma

a small majority will dissociate

they forget who they are, they will be adrift

from their belongings; only remember as little

as their procedural memory. You know how you ride your bike

like you did when you were a kid,

and now you don’t even think about it? Yeah.

It’s kinda like that.

sometimes, I wish I were like that. don’t you.

how do you break off from yourself

do you ever think about it?

***

when you fail to incorporate

the incongruence in your personality,

you split into alters. [DID] It generally occurs after

severe trauma in childhood, but even then, not much else is known

[about the causes].
Many confuse it for schizophrenia because the name [schizophrenia]

means split-mind; schizophrenics; that’s

talking about their thinking

insults to the brain in the womb

is one effort to explain why people develop it [schizophrenia]

there are others too

I don’t think I remember it that well,

but I’ll try; they generally have larger subcortical brain structures

But does it cause schizophrenia

Or is it a consequence?

Such how it goes in this way

Of correlation and causation.

Hospitalized schizophrenics returning home

have better chance not relapsing when their family is low-emotional

than high emotional.
Then there’s drugs

Y’know the ones.
Marijuana for one—never got the hype over why

it should be illegal, some argue it can cause disorders
It can help the onset, but the pre-disposition was already there

stress is like that too.

Before an onset of a disorder

There’s more stress in an individual.

Sometimes, I wonder if getting diagnosed is a relief

or if it is a burden. I live with my own disorders,

and I wonder.

What’s always emphasized in psychology

Is how our view of the world is subjective.

When you fail to remember something

It’s due to a few things, two being

Retrieval failure and encoding failure—encoding failure

Being simply you can’t remember what you never properly learned.

There are thoughts about long-term memory

Being nearly “infinite”, a barrel of marbles,

You reach in and pick the one

And there’s your memory. It doesn’t have to be anything,

I remember looking down at the bridge and wanting to jump

But that didn’t mean anything. It’s only ‘cause heights make me curious.

[denial, coping, intrusive; all make me obsess]

But yeah, about LTM, another view

Is how it’s a leaky barrel. Some LTM memories slip from time to time,

You may not remember it now or ever,

Does it reassure you if you forget?

Sometimes, I wish I could forget lots of things.

Depressed individuals have reduced hippocampal volume

From a failure to form new neurons in neurogenesis.

Is that why I don’t remember as much? Makes me wonder.

I know some people think it’s all bullshit [psychology]

But what I think is bullshit is saying that,

You break off from what you know,

And you can’t be on the defensive,

That’s important ‘cause stronger attitudes

Are more resistant to change.

Central. Peripheral.

Depends how you perceive information

And how you take it in those routes.

Which route should you take,

If I were were to split it in the sand?

Sometimes, I wish it were that easy.

sometimes, I wish it were like that—to choose so simply. don’t you.

If you could, would you break off from yourself

do you ever think about it?

© 2021 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.


Thanks Weiten. I’m surprised how much I remembered in one take.

Also thank you Sunra for that comment, made me think about some stuff that impacted me when learning about psychology.


19 Comments

    1. I agree with you! The mind is much of a mystery—some of the things in psychology are to explain, imo, through theories (like behaviorism or social cognitive theory for instance) to reveal more about ourselves and the influences around us.

      Like

  1. I’ve thought about breaking off a lot when I was dogged by depression. Nowadays I’m lucky because my depression is confined to PMDD days: at least I get regular relief! Thank you for making people think about these issues.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I thought about it too when struggling with depression–had some very low points for four months. I’m glad it seems to have gotten better for you though, it’s never easy.

      Thank you also for the kind words. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Lucy, I’m not sure which comment, but I am always glad to comment on your work! ❤ This is such an interesting piece of writing for the fact that it feels distanced from the thing being talked about and has such an emotional intelligence about it. Like these lines:

    “I remember looking down at the bridge and wanting to jump
    But that didn’t mean anything. It’s only ‘cause heights make me curious.”

    I also love this description:

    “when you fail to incorporate
    the incongruence in your personality,
    you split into alters.”

    Different perceptions fascinate me, regardless of how they’re labelled. Isn’t it just the pliable mind trying to deal with things through finding its own healing mechanisms? Which may manifest as “strange” behaviour to others.

    Always a pleasure to read you, Lucy ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it was on one of my poems from a few days ago, if I recall. I always enjoy reading what you think and your insights too. ❤

      I wanted to have a disconnected narration in this piece, and I wanted to portray it heavily; almost like trying to believe that the narrator themselves is not impacted when truly they are. Maybe it’s denial in someways, but it’s also a keen interest in the different topics of psychology. Some, they relate to. Some, obviously not but there’s empathy.

      How the mind copes with trauma and tragedy honestly fascinates me. How some disorders can be a product of the environment they are in (added with some genetic predisposition) is equally just as fascinating because it kind of itches that question in the back of your head, “Why do some people respond like this and not others?” Again, it probably goes back to how our perception is subjective, and like you say, the mind finding its own healing mechanisms. I agree with that heavily because there are burdens in the world, tragedies, and traumas that were never made to be part of a “normal” (throwing that word loosely) human experience and existence.

      Thank you so, so much Sunra for reading my work and I’m really happy you enjoyed this piece. It means a lot to me. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are most welcome, Lucy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I totally understand, I too am fascinated by how the mind copes with trauma and how it manifests in individuals differently ❤️ It is eternally fascinating!

        Wishing you a great weekend👌☀️

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s